Toying WIth Us

'Tis the season to get stressed out shopping for toys and games, so I thought I'd help reduce some of that strain. Reading this should make your trips to the toy store shorter and your visits to the holiday medicine cabinet less frequent.

If toys were capable of having an ambition, they would all want to be inducted into the National Toy Hall of Fame. But not every toy can get into the Hall which is located in Rochester, New York. If they didn't have stringent requirements, toys like chattering teeth and the Home Version of the Judge Judy Show would be in the hallowed Hall. In the 11 years that the Hall of Fame has been in existence, only 44 toys have made the cut. This year, the Big Wheel, the Gameboy, and -- hold on to your Silly Putty -- the wheel. That's right. Considered one of the first and greatest inventions, the wheel had been neglected until this year. Even though it certainly deserves recognition -- the stick and the ball were inducted earlier -- I doubt that many of you will be buying a wheel for your favorite tot.

Kids might love having a wheel just as toddlers love playing with the box that toys come in. However, advertising and peer pressure aren't going to allow those simple things to be popular gifts. Let's just say that I don't think Toys 'R Us is going to have a run on wheels this year. Below are some categories of toys that probably will be selling well. You decide if you think any of them will end up in the Toy Hall of Fame.

Games That You Really Don't Have To Buy Because When I Was A Kid You Could Have Them For Free

These include things like Battleship, Jotto, and Pictionary. I actually saw a Tic-Tac-Toe game selling for $19.95. I wonder how much they charge for a box of hide and seek.

Toys That Make Sure Kids Don't Play like We Used To

These toys contribute to the couch potato generation. There is a snowball launcher so children won't have to actually throw snowballs themselves. Also in this category are all kinds of video and computer games, and of course the extremely popular Wii. The Wii allows the entire family to pretend to play all kinds of games in their living room that they could be playing for real outside.

You've Got To Be Kidding Toys

Leading off this category is the Pump Action Marshmallow Blaster. This ridiculous waste of food and money is capable of shooting marshmallows a distance of 40 feet. Unfortunately, there is no literature with this toy that explains why anyone would want to shoot marshmallows a distance of 40 feet. A trivia game with one of the most unfortunate names is called, "Beat the Parents." I hope that none of the kids out there try to combine their "Beat the Parents" game with this year's toy Medieval Axe. And don't worry, toy stores will be selling everything that has to do with "New Moon," a charming story about vampires.

"Hot" Toys For 2009

When I say, "hot toy," I don't mean something like the classic Easy Bake Oven (a member of the Hall of Fame). A very popular toy this year is the Zhu Zhu pet hamster. Kids have always loved hamsters. Of course, since this is 2009, these cute little hamsters are battery operated. For a treat, do you feed them artificial bugs? According to those who claim to know, the Toy Of the Year may turn out to be various versions of Bakugan. In case you're like me and have been sleeping under a rock – hey, remember the Pet Rock? -- Bakugans are toy warriors that are tucked into spheres and then rolled out onto a game card. It might not sound like fun to you, but they just may make kids forget the remote controlled tarantula.

So, which toy or toys do you think will be in the Toy Hall of Fame someday? It's hard to predict. However, if I were in the in the toy business, I think I would be trying to patent and package a game called, "tag." And no, it's not in the Hall of Fame yet.

Barbie Gone Wild?

I've been so distracted by minor but flashy news stories this year like the NCAA Finals, the nation's finances, and the new Obama administration, I missed the big story of 2009: to help celebrate Barbie's 50th birthday, Mattel came out with "Totally Stylin' Tattoo Barbie." She comes with a set of tattoos that kids can place on that iconic body. The doll also comes with a tattoo gun so children can stamp these washable stickers on themselves. Barbie with tattoos? I know what you're thinking: what's next? "Hooker Barbie?" "Pothead Barbie?" "Premarital Sex Barbie?"

Many parents had exactly this reaction when the doll came out a few months ago. They felt this would encourage kids to think prematurely about getting real tattoos for their real bodies. They thought that Barbie with tats was too slutty for their children. They were outraged that a "role model" like Barbie had sunk so low. Meanwhile, it became a big seller.

This wasn't the first time that some adults have objected to Barbie. Some have felt that her unrealistic figure has made young girls yearn for an unrealistic figure of their own. Some parents believe that tattoos for Barbie continues this obsession with one's body rather than other more important characteristics of a woman.

If you go to the archives of some universities, I'm sure you'll find more than one Ph.D. thesis called something like, "Barbie and Body Image: The Downfall of American Womanhood." I admit I was somewhat shocked when I heard about Barbie and body art. My first reaction was, "Now parents of seven-year-olds are going to have to deal with them wanting tattoos."

But then I did something uncharacteristic for me: I started thinking. Maybe anti-Barbie papers aren't the only theses in those dusty university archives. Maybe there are some with titles like, "Relax, Folks. Barbie Isn't a Role Model. It's Just a Toy." Or if there aren't any, there should be.

When you were a kid, weren't you able to tell the difference between a toy and something real? When you played "war" with a friend, didn't you know you were just playing? And did your putting on temporary tattoos make you get real ones? Besides, isn't it a bit ironic that the anti-Barbie-ites who feel that the doll puts too much emphasis on appearance are concerned with the appearance of tattoos?

So it's possible that the actual reason that Tattoo Barbie has some parents' (old-fashioned) underwear in a bunch is because this kind of thing wasn't around when they were kids. Maybe it's like adults in the '50's who were shocked by Elvis and convinced he would destroy our civilization. Or maybe they're like parents like me who, in the '90's, thought video and computer games would ruin children forever. (I'm still not sure I was wrong about that one).

Tattoos don't have the same connotations today that they had when I was a kid. Back then, it seemed like only sailors, truck drivers, and other "tough guys" had tattoos. Certainly, we never saw a woman with one. Today, your doctor or your kid's teacher is more likely to wear a tattoo than a hat.

I confess that I'm still getting used to looking at tattoos without making any kind of knee-jerk judgment about the wearer. Whenever I go on vacation where there's a swimming pool, I'm still a little surprised by the fact that the nice couple we sat next to at dinner the night before has more tattoos than a basketball team. And guess what? Barbie's the same age as that couple. She's fifty now. She might not look like it, but many 50-year-old women don't look their age these days. So maybe it's fitting that 50-year-old Barbie has broken out the tattoos.

I also realized that mothers who have real tattoos might be embracing Tattoo Barbie. Maybe the doll helps their children understand that their mother is someone who just found a way to express herself rather than someone who hangs out with a gang during their naptime.

As a fuddy-duddy, it's not easy for me to accept change, but I do -- eventually. I accept texting, cars that talk, and milk in cartons. So I can certainly accept Barbie wearing tattoos. But I do think you have to draw the line. Where? I'll tell you where, and this is a warning to the people at Mattel: Don't even think about making a Ken doll with pierced nipples.