Primary Mystery

Since I come from Chicago, people often tease me about the politics of my home city and state. South Carolina is starting to take the heat off my homeland when it comes to scandals. First there was Governor Mark Sanford who claimed he was hiking the Appalachian Trail while he was actually on the Adultery Trail with his Argentinean mistress. Then Nikki Haley, a candidate for the Republican nomination for Governor in the recent election was accused of having an extra-marital affair with a "conservative blogger." Who accused her? The conservative blogger. The latest shocker came when a complete unknown with no ties to powerful politicians, who had not waged a smear campaign, and who made no campaign promises won the Democratic nomination for Governor. Naturally, the professional politicians were outraged.

Alvin Greene, an unemployed veteran, beat Vic Rawl, a former judge and state lawmaker, 59% to 41%.Greene said that he ran because he had turned to the office of Republican incumbent (and candidate) U.S. Senator Jim DeMint for help in dealing with his disability, but got nowhere. When you listen to Greene talk, you certainly believe that he could have some sort of disability, so your heart goes out to him. When I first heard the story, it sounded like an old Frank Capra movie in which a non-politician, a man of the people who lives with his elderly father, whips the political insider. It was just too good to be true.

And it might be. In the movie version of this story, Greene would've made rousing speeches to the common man. Other veterans would have marched to protest the way in which they are mistreated all too often. He would've won debates with his simple, but honest talk. However, none of this happened. So how did he get elected? Also, he's currently facing charges of showing pornography to a college student. How did that fact elude his opponents? Of course, usually college students are showing the rest of us pornography.

One theory is that since South Carolina holds "open primaries," plotting Republicans were behind Greene's election so that Senator DeMint would face an easy foe in the fall election.However, this cynical plot would only work if the bad guy politicians had put Greene's face in front of the voters, if they got throngs of people to show up for rallies, and if they had organized a huge grass roots movement for him to help him win the election.None of these things happened. So even if you believe that some untrustworthy Republicans got his name on the ballot, how did they make him win while keeping him a secret?

Race has been a staple of political scandal, and it has come into this story. State Senator Robert Ford said that he thinks Greene won because he's an African American. (He's not the same Robert Ford who killed Jesse James). Anyway, Ford theorized that the reason Greene won was that even though nobody knew who he was, he got a huge percentage of African American votes because his name ends in an "e." According to Ford, "No white folks have an 'e' on the end of Green. The blacks after they left the plantation couldn't spell, and they threw an 'e' on the end.”

So, he's saying that when African Americans see "Greene," they think black. I don't know. When I see "purple," I don't think "orange."

Besides, what about Revolutionary War hero Nathaniel Greene, writer Graham Greene, and, of course, "Bonanza's" Lorne Greene? They were all "white folks." To make Ford's definitely bizarre and seemingly racist statement all the more interesting is that Ford is black.

If we learn that Greene is a seriously disabled man who really is unqualified for the job, it will be a sad situation. But the question will still be there: how did he get elected?

I hope it turns out that Greene is legit. I hope it's the movie plot in which the simple American citizen defeats the professional politicians just because he is a simple American citizen. On the other hand, if it turns out that chicanery has taken place in the Palmetto State, none of us will be surprised. As I said before, South Carolina is replacing the Windy City and the Land of Lincoln as the home of weird politics. In fact, this replacement might have already taken place. After all, I can't remember the last time I heard a newscaster or a late night host utter those two famous words:Rod Blagojevich.

Royalty In The U.S.?

One thing our Founding Fathers were sure of is that they didn't want a king in this new country. They didn't want one person to be regarded as something so special that people would have to bow down to him and treat him almost like a god. Well, I wonder how the founding fathers would feel right now as there is a campaign throughout the country regarding someone known as King James. In case you're one of those people I don't understand who's not a sports fan, this young man's name is actually LeBron James, he's a great basketball player, and his contract is up. As James decides where he'll play basketball next, ordinary citizens and government officials are treating him like, well, a king.

James is a fantastic player, he's charismatic, and would bring baskets full of cash to whatever city lands him. He wears Number 23 on his jersey, but in the free-agent market, he is Number One. He's only 25 years old, so he probably has many years of basketball left. If you have teenage kids that you'd like to pursue a higher education, don't let them hear LeBron's story. He never went to college, and his next contract will probably be in the hundreds of millions of dollars. That's nine-figures! The downside, of course, is that he has missed out on cramming for organic chemistry and analyzing "The Scarlet Letter."

Yet, some people think he's a bargain. His being on a team guarantees more people in the seats, and his being in a city means more visitors, more full hotels and restaurants, and more forged autographs being sold on the street. That's why so many people are kissing this king's ring, or something else of his.

For the past seven years, he's played in the not so flashy city of Cleveland. Now, flashier places like New York, Chicago, and Los Angeles are trying to lure him away from that city on Lake Erie. James is from Akron, Ohio, just a few of his giant steps from Cleveland. This is one of the reasons that he just might stay and play in Cleveland. One Clevelander has started a website called pleasedontleave23.com. There's also a 212 member LeBron James Grandmother's Fan Club. The Cleveland Orchestra has made a video praising LeBron, as has Ohio's Governor Ted Strickland.

Chicago Bulls fans have a website called, "sendLeBrontochicago.com." David Geffen, media mogul, music producer, and all around rich guy has said that if he can buy 51% of the Los Angeles Clippers, he "guarantees" that he can get LeBron to join that hapless team. And then there's New York.

New York City has a campaign called "C'mon LeBron" that includes T-shirts, billboards, and messages on taxis begging James to come to New York. New York's Mayor Bloomberg actually made a video trying to get LeBron to take a bite of the Big Apple. Fortunately, it's not a music video, but it's still unseemly and embarrassing. Some might even think it's blasphemous (a word that I don't think I've ever used in a column before). At the end of the video, the mayor says, "As the Good Book says, lead us to the promised land." And then with a wink and bad comic timing he adds, "And that's a quote from the King James version."

I know what it is to be a sports fanatic. I admit that I have watched the exact same Sports Center show more than once in a four-hour period. But this goes way beyond the usual abnormal behavior of sports fans. I understand that it's about money and civic pride, but how much pride can a place have if it's willing to do anything to get a 25 year old kid to play a game in their city?

In case you don't think it's more than a bit weird that James has gotten all this attention, there's more: President Obama has weighed in on the subject. First he said that it would be great if James played in Obama's hometown of Chicago. Then I guess his advisers or pollsters told him that statement was a mistake, so Obama said it would be nice if James stayed in Cleveland.

That's right. The President of the United States actually gave his opinion on this issue of vital interest. Who's next? The Dalai Lama? Could be. "Come on, LeBron, play in Tibet. We won't just give you money. If you sign for five years with an option for six plus revenue sharing for public appearances, I'll throw in the secret of life."